
Last week I reviewed the Flash Forward pilot script, then broke it down. Today I'm going to talk about the differences I noticed from the written script and the pilot that aired this past Thursday.
I will try to keep the spoiler level low, but there's no way to talk about differences between page and screen without revealing some stuff, so... SPOILERS!!!
Most of the changes I noticed seemed to be do to cuts or streamlining, and largely affected the stories of the secondary characters. There were also a few things moved around or truncated, and my guess is that this was done to raise the energy a bit (by cutting back and forth) or create tension. The big tension-creating moment happens right up front, and I'm not completely sure how I feel about it.
All of you who watched the premiere on Thursday know that the pilot begins with a horrifying scene of mass destruction. Joseph Fiennes' character, Mark, wakes up upside-down in the aftermath of a car crash, only to discover that every car on the 101 (I know the freeway only because of the script, but I'm going to pretend the aired episode meant it to be the 101 as well) has crashed, people are screaming, and several buildings on the horizon are in flames. Then, as the horror sets in, we cut to black and a title pops up: FOUR HOURS EARLIER. And the next 10 minutes are all about getting back to that crash that we just saw.
Holy crap, right? Now you're invested, and you want to see how we get to that point and then figure out what happened. That, I'm sure, is exactly why they did this, and I think it's quite effective.
However... the pilot script worked just as effectively for me (albeit bringing a different energy) by beginning at that FOUR HOURS EARLIER point. Not that it began with those words, because what wouldn't make any sense, but the first dozen or so pages of the script are spent building up the normal lives of the characters and what they're doing. It's all about getting to know these people. So when the rug is pulled out from under them and this huge, crazy thing happens, it's just as sudden, shocking and confusing for us as it is for them. Plus, I felt like I genuinely cared about these individuals, rather than being worried about the event I knew was coming.
If I had to choose, it's probably pretty obvious I'm a bigger fan of the choice the script made here, but I didn't dislike the change in the pilot. As I said, it just brought a different, more tense energy to the proceedings. I do wonder, however, if some of the complaints critics have made about not caring for the characters, and how they feel like chess pieces being moved around to serve the plot, can be attributed to the decision to show the incident first and work back toward it rather than organically coming to it linearly.
Similarly, the written pilot and aired show ended on different notes. While the script decided to end on more of a character beat, with Mark receiving the friendship bracelet from his daughter and allowing her to put it on him as his dread mounts... the aired pilot chose to go out on the A-story beat of the discovery at Comerica Park (Tigers Stadium) in Detroit. I'm trying to minimize spoilers as much as possible, guys.
Both script and aired pilot made choices that worked for the type of story they were trying to tell. I think the script was more of a character study of how these people would react to such a crazy thing, so beginning and ending on character beats seems smart. For the aired pilot, which seems more concerned with setting up the central conceit of the show and the plot mechanisms, it only makes sense that they end on a meta-plot twist after beginning with the horrifying meta-plot disaster. And I have to say, I do think the meta-plot reveal was a stronger hook to end on, so I can't fault it.
Other changes are not so drastic, and mostly involve not revealing as much to the audience about some of the secondary characters' stories. For example, in the script we learn what Bryce saw in his flash forward, and that the female FBI agent who saw herself pregnant had bigger reasons to question the validity of the vision than "I don't even have a boyfriend." Not so in the aired pilot. The stuff in the script was intriguing, but to be honest I didn't miss it.
The one thing I do think really suffered was the story of Dominic... or was it Dmitri in the aired pilot? I felt like I heard both names. Kal Penn's character. The one who sees nothing in his flash forward.
The aired pilot has his story basically come down to him saying, "Come on, man, we're both thinking the same thing..." before talking about his theory that no flash forward means he'll be dead in six months. In the script this is drawn out a bit more, with Mark deflecting Penn's worries as first. Then, later, Penn gets a surreal, terrifying phone call. In her flash forward, a woman tells him, she was reading a newspaper story... about his murder. After the initial shock, Penn starts asking her for as many details as she can give him about his murder. Where? When? How? Who?
To me that's the coolest thing about this show. No matter what big and crazy thing happens, the characters get through it, then calmly and rationally start breaking it down, just the way we would in real life.
I have to imagine the above bit was cut for two reasons: one, because they needed a time cut and felt like they could get the "I think I'm going to die" stuff out more efficiently (true, though that aired scene played a little hokey for me); and two, because it's more fun to tease this murder information out slowly rather than giving it away in the pilot. Am I right about this? Who knows? But it makes sense.
Overall, I really like both versions of this pilot. One is a bit more character driven, while the other relies heavily on the mystery and plotting, but both retain the strengths of the core concept and create interesting, unique character conflicts.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Script to Screen: Flash Forward pilot
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Friday, September 25, 2009
Break It Down - Flash Forward Pilot Script

Yesterday I finally got off my butt and reviewed the Flash Forward pilot script. Tomorrow I'm going to do a Script to Screen and talk about some of the changes made between page and the finished pilot that aired last night. There weren't too many, but I did find one change very interesting.
Episode 101 - No More Good Days
Short Description
Everyone in the world blacks out for 2 minutes and 17 seconds, during which each person sees what is happening 6 months into their future. In the aftermath, they must deal with the repercussions of what they saw and try to figure out what happened and why... and maybe... who caused it.
Story Threads
A-story - The Investigation/Mark's FF
B-story - Mark and Olivia
C-story - Olivia/FF
D-story - Dominic/FF
E-story - Bryce/FF
F-story - Aaron/FF
G-story - Nicole/FF
I find this somewhat difficult to break down in the usual way, because arguably the A-story is the event itself, and it doesn't occur until the end of the first act. You could also argue that Mark's story is simply his FF and the investigation, and the story I've labeled "Mark and Olivia" should be with her FF, but I'm separating it this way for now...
Length and Breakdown
Act I - 12 pages, 12 scenes
Act II - 8 pages, 5 scenes
Act III - 11 pages, 7 scenes
Act IV - 11 pages, 5 scenes
Act V - 8 pages, 4 scenes
Act VI - 8 pages, 5 scenes
38 scenes in 58 pages. At first glance, it appears that Flash Forward has the opposite structure of most shows, throwing you into the action with a bunch of quick scenes, then slowing down for the rest of the show. In some respect, I guess that's true (there are quite a few longer scenes after Act I where the main characters are puzzling out what happened and dealing with the repercussions of their flash forwards), but 12 scenes in 12 pages is deceiving for Act I. The reason there are so many scenes is because Goyer and Braga decide to reveal character to us by showing actions rather than using dialogue-heavy scenes, which naturally just take longer on the page.
The scenes are organized as follows:
A-story - The Investigation/Mark's FF (16 beats/scenes)
B-story - Mark and Olivia (12 beats/scenes)
C-story - Olivia/FF (5 beats/scenes)
D-story - Dominic/FF (3 beats/scenes)
E-story - Bryce/FF (3 beats/scenes)
F-story - Aaron/FF (3 beats/scenes)
G-story - Nicole/FF (3 beats/scenes)
What's interesting to me is the economy of the smaller stories. Four of them with only 3 beats! And for once I actually feel pretty good about the way I've labeled the letters. The investigation definitely feels most important, followed by the general scenes about Mark and Olivia's relationship; secondary to those general relationship scenes is Olivia's FF and the people connected to that... and then so on and so forth for the other stories. What's great is that the number of times we come back to each story backs up that feel. Awesome!
Act I - B, B, B, F, F, E, G, D, A, A, A, A
Act II - A, E, G, A, A
Act III - A/B, B/C, A, C, A, A, A
Act IV - A, B, A/B/D, A, C/E
Act V - G, B, F/B, D
Act VI - B, B/C, C, A, B
(Note: where beats include a / mark, this means that the scene has elements of both stories. In the scene/beat count above, every appearance of A, B, C and so on is counted as one full beat rather than a half, even if there is a slash mark.)
45 story beats. In 38 scenes. For the most part, each story gets to live on its own, especially in Act I, where it seems more important because we're just being introduced to this world and these characters. Also, the beats reflect the way I felt about the opening as well -- you meet these characters in their normal lives and just start to get to know them a little bit and get invested (all the B and below storylines you see dominating Act I) when WHAM! this huge event changes everything (represented in the four A-story beats to end Act I).
Pretty cool stuff. Tomorrow (or Monday, maybe?) I compare the script to what actually aired. And I've gotta say, reading over it again today to do this breakdown, more changed than I actually realized...
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Thursday, September 24, 2009
(Auto) Pilot: A review of the Flash Forward pilot script

I made a promise a while back to review a bunch of the one-hour pilot scripts I read for the fall shows now premiering, and so far I've been really bad at following through on that promise. But better late than never, right? Maybe?
Today, in honor of its premiere tonight, I'd like to review the pilot script for a little show I like to call Flash Forward. Because that's the name of the show.
Anyway...
When I heard the premise for Flash Forward (that everyone in the world blacks out for 2 minutes and 17 seconds, during which each person sees what is happening 6 months into their future), I wasn't interested. It didn't seem like an idea that could sustain itself. I mean, 6 months, really? Next I saw the trailer... and came away similarly tepid. Generally I'm a huge fan of speculative fiction, but this just wasn't doing it for me.
Then I got my grubby little mitts on a bunch of one-hour pilot scripts for new shows this season. Flash Forward was, hands down, the best written and most interesting. Goyer and Braga remembered the one thing I had forgotten about TV, the thing that unites almost all great, classic shows: it's about the characters.
Duh, you say? Well, of course, but thinking about the premise had pushed that to the back of my mind, and for whatever reason the characters just didn't come through to me in the previews.
Thank goodness they do in the script, where Goyer and Braga spend the first four pages letting us live with Mark and Olivia Benford as they go through their normal lives: the morning run, fixing breakfast for their daughter, repairing the garage door, going to work, etc. The couple even have the too-cute habit of telling each other they hate each other as a way of saying "I love you." Schmaltzy? Yes. But oddly endearing as well.
Over the first ten pages we're introduced to the rest of the main characters, most going about the mundane tasks of daily life (even if, for Mark and his partner, Dominic, daily life includes stakeouts and dangerous criminals). Only Bryce Varley is shown to us at any truly important moment of his existence -- as we first see him, he stands at the edge of a pier, about to shoot himself.
But regardless of what they're doing before, it's about to be an important moment in the life of every single person in the world. Because as Bryce starts to pull the trigger on his gun, and Mark and Dominic dodge traffic in that car chase you've seen a million times in action movies -- it happens.
We FLASH to another time and place, and Mark sees what's he's doing 5 months, 3 weeks, and 2 days into the future. He knows the date precisely because he notices it on his desk calendar. Future Mark is working on a case involving things his present-day self knows absolutely nothing about, but he's clearly anxious and "been through hell." And that's before two masked men appear with guns and...
And we're back in the present, where the car chase has morphed into the largest, most horrifying traffic accident ever. Every single car on the freeway has crashed, and people are screaming everywhere. Fires dot the landscape as Mark climbs onto a car to survey the damage. Was it a natural disaster? A terrorist attack?
Over the course of the rest of the episode, we learn that every single person in the world blacked out for the aforementioned 2 minutes and 17 seconds. Anyone driving at the time crashed their car. Planes fell from the sky. Patients in surgery died. Carnage and disaster everywhere. We also learn that it wasn't really a black out, because Mark's experience was not unique -- people everywhere saw 2 minutes and 17 seconds of their future. And all of them who happened to see the date and time confirm that it was exactly the same as the date Mark saw.
More importantly, we learn what future each of our main characters saw, and how it affects them. Mark will be driven by the mystery of the case he saw himself working on. Olivia will be haunted by the knowledge that she won't have a life with Mark in six months. Bryce will take what he saw as a second chance at life, and a reason to keep going. And perhaps most interesting is Mark's partner, Dominic -- he didn't see anything in his future. Literally. It was just... black. Does this mean he's asleep in six months? Dead? Does he really want to know?
Questions like these are what made the script so affecting for me, and finally answered my unspoken question about why I should care about the show: because I'm invested in these people figuring out their lives and trying to live with their newfound knowledge. Are they trapped by "fate"? Can they change things now that they know about them in advance? Are the things they saw even real? Will their relationships survive, knowing what they know? Or at least... what they think they know?
And as everyone deals with the emotional repercussions of these revelations and chooses to accept or deny what they saw, Goyer and Braga throw another curve ball at the audience at the end of the script that advances the mystery of the phenomenon and calls into question everything we've seen. I won't give it away, but suffice to say it's an intriguing bit of info that could take the plot in many interesting directions.
As much as the characters and plot drew me in, I would be remiss as a writer if I neglected to mention how good the actual words on the page are. The dialogue is crisp and affecting. Characters react in believable ways. The act breaks actually feel dramatic, the way they are supposed to. And, since this is my own personal pet peeve, the action does what action is supposed to do and DESCRIBES WHAT THE AUDIENCE SEES, rather than falling into the trap of novice and uber-successful professional writer alike: telling us what we're supposed to see. I'm looking at you, J.J. Abrams.
Here's hoping the Goyer and Braga have a monster hit on their hands, because I'm incredibly excited to see where they take this story.
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Friday, September 18, 2009
Forecast is Cloudy, but with a side of really good reviews
So far, CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS is getting 86% on Rotten Tomatoes and 66% on Metacritic. Go Chris and Phil!
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Wednesday, September 2, 2009
I'll be watching

There's actually quite a bit of TV I'm excited about this upcoming season. Below I'm going to put together an awesome fall schedule for you... of the TV Jul and I will be watching. Whee!
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Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Well, folks, it's been quite a month

Actually, the real time frame is probably a bit longer than a month, but since the end of July...
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Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Gay Insurance

A sign seen in Palm Springs this weekend as I toured the area with my wife and her parents, looking for a place for the in-laws to retire.
We're still looking.
Also, what does "Gay Insurance" mean? Do they only insure gay people? Does it insure one against becoming gay? Or straight? Is the insurance itself only interested in other insurances of the same sex? Or is it just really happy?
Magic Insurance on Magnolia and Laurel I understand. Clearly, it protects you if you have any of your Magic: The Gathering cards lost or stolen. Duh.
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Friday, July 31, 2009
Joss waited in line for Glee -- really, you're surprised?
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Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Epitaph One a Dollhouse double edged sword?

If you followed my tweets during the Con, you'll know that I loved, loved, LOVED "Epitaph One." If not, now you do.
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Friday, July 24, 2009
The San Diego Comic-Con doesn't mean to keep hitting me, I just make it so angry...

Wednesday, 11:30pm: We arrive at our hotel...
Which is not a hotel. It is, in fact, a hostel-hotel, which really just means HOSTEL. Like, the Eli Roth kind. Okay, okay, there's a little less torture. So far.
But you think the website would clearly mention things like your room being smaller than a Cracker Jack box, a complete lack of air conditioning or garbage can in the room and oh, I almost forgot -- COMMUNITY BATHROOMS AND SHOWERS. Now, I liked college, and shower caddies and shoes have a place in my heart, but I wasn't planning on ever going back. Certainly not this weekend. But here I am.
Fine. Whatever. It's only four days.
Thursday, 8:45am: We get in line to register...
Except that there are three lines, all of which we're told are registation lines. They're all long, but we've been through this before. 20 minutes, max.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Our line snaked around 17 different corners of the building (okay, 23 corners), each one of which looked like it could have been the end of the line. I repeat: Ha. Ha. Ha.
Finally, after walking a half mile (no, really), past the building, the parking lot, past the marina and the orchestra rehearsing there, and wrapping around the other side so that we couldn't even see the Convention Center, we came to the end of the line.
At this point I called our very nice marketing head who had offered me Thursday tickets just two days ago and whom I had run into at breakfast and left a voicemail begging for said tickets. Alas, it was not to be.
All of this would have been fine except that, an hour into our wait in line, I called a friend of mine who got into a different registration line after us... He was already inside, waiting for a panel. Buh-wuh?
Oh, wait, there's more. His line took 15 minutes. FIFTEEN MINUTES!!! And why did this occur? Because the ELITE Comic-Con staff (I'm not making fun of them, I swear, that's just what their shirts say) had neglected to cut off the line, despite the fact that people were literally WALKING RIGHT IN on the other lines. You know, as opposed to standing for two hours in the ever-warming sun. (Okay, I am making fun of them a little bit. I get that this is a tough job and people here can be dicks and there's, oh, 150,000 of us, but still... get it together.)
I won't even talk about their decision to have all the lines for the bigger panels outside this year.
But people seemed to love the Cloudy panel... and I got a Star Trek com badge/USB drive... okay, Comic-Con, I still love you.
You knew I couldn't quit you. I'll be better, I promise.
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Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Fury of Solace Con-ned

All of you Fury of Solace fans out there attending Comic-Con, keep your eyes peeled for some familiar faces...
Who knows, maybe they'll lead to some interesting revelations.
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Tuesday, July 21, 2009
What we've been up to

I'm totally taking a page from Red Right Hand here, but sometimes it's fun.
Over the last six months, Jul and I have completed two new pilots, one a comedic sci-fi actioner, the other a historic comedic drama... about castration.
For your enjoyment and/or ridicule, here's a page or so from each (see if you can guess which is which!):
1.
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
Three SUVs flank a semi as it speeds down an empty highway.
INT. SEMI - DAY
The DRIVER is nervous. His passenger, JOHN SAVAGE (mid-30s), a grizzled warrior in the Bruce Willis mold, pats his arm.
Relax. We're just a few miles away.
What we’re doing here is important.
Suddenly the rear SUV explodes upwards in a fireball.
Yaaahhhh!
Four HELMETED BIKERS dressed head-to-toe in leather and riding Ninja motorcycles burst through the fireball.
Savage pulls out a gun and slams in a clip.
Do not slow down.
We can’t let them get their hands on it.
Terrified, the Driver floors it.
EXT. ROAD - SAME
GUNMEN fire from the two remaining SUVs. The Bikers dodge.
One SUV protects the rear of the truck; the other stops, then REVERSES INTO THE BIKERS. They SCATTER around it -- except for the largest, MUSCULAR BIKER -- CRUNCH! The SUV runs over both Biker and bike.
ANGLE ON THE UNDERBELLY OF THE SUV
The Biker hangs on under the SUV Indiana Jones-style, somehow unhurt, plants a bomb, and lets go. BOOM!
Another Biker drops back to pick up the muscular one.
INT. SUV - SAME
The Gunmen are wide-eyed, completely freaked out.
Who the hell are these guys?
EXT. ROAD - SAME
The Bikers converge on the last SUV. Two Bikers ride close until their bikes CONNECT to form a DOUBLE BIKE. They pull alongside the SUV and the SMALLEST BIKER jumps onto the roof.
INT. SUV - SAME
Immediately the Gunmen spray the roof with gunfire.
Got him that time.
One of the Gunmen opens his window to look out, and the Small Biker leans down and HEADBUTTS him back inside.
Holy--!
The Biker mimes blowing them a kiss, tosses something into the SUV and leaps onto the double bike. The Gunmen look down at the object, realize it's a bomb just before -- BOOM!
INT. SEMI - SAME
Savage sees the Bikers race up the driver's side of the semi.
(growling)
Damn it.
He stands and heroically cocks the gun... then leaps out the cabin door and rolls into the bushes by the side of the road.
Hey?! But! You can't--!
TAP, TAP. The Driver turns to his window: one of the Bikers hangs on outside the door with a gun aimed at him.
EXT. ROAD - MOMENTS LATER
Savage watches from the distant bushes as the Bikers tie up the Driver, take the semi, and ride off. He takes out a cell phone and dials:
We've got a problem.
INT. OPERA HOUSE - AUDITORIUM - DAY
The DIRECTOR stands in front of a throng of SINGERS in everyday clothes, as well as the great MARCHESI (30) in an elaborate gold costume. Marchesi slams down his headdress.
MARCHESI
I will not sing this part. It is beneath me.
DIRECTOR
You’re Moses!
MARCHESI
The man was a sheepherder who wore boring clothes
and tromped about in sandals. Sandals, for God’s sake!
DIRECTOR
He’s the messenger of God.
He freed the Israelites from the Pharaohs.
MARCHESI
And then told them to honor Mother and Father
and stop lusting after their neighbors. Fine. Great.
But do I really need to sing an entire aria about his silly rules?
DIRECTOR
Silly rules? The Ten Commandments?
MARCHESI
It’s boring, he’s boring. Can’t this Moses person
be doing something more exciting?
Why don’t we have him fight a dragon?
DIRECTOR
A dragon?!
MARCHESI
Yes, we can replace the Commandments
with a daring sword fight!
DIRECTOR
Impossible! The Ten Commandments
are essential to Moses’ story!
MARCHESI
Then I will not perform. We’ll see what’s essential.
He storms offstage. The Director slumps into a seat in the audience and shakes his head at the remaining Singers.
DIRECTOR
Apparently Marchesi won’t be joining us today.
Again. No matter.
(screaming)
It’s not like it’s important for the lead to rehearse!
Marchesi LAUGHS off screen, and the Director takes a deep, calming breath.
DIRECTOR (CONT’D)
Do we at least have Consolino?
SINGER 1
He had an... errand to complete.
The Director sighs and rubs his temples.
I'm sure he'll come soon.
The Singers chuckle.
INT. LADY FARINA'S HOME - BEDROOM - SAME
LADY FARINA (20s), naked, gorgeous, MOANS as CONSOLINO (mid-20s), also naked, also gorgeous, pounds her into her headboard. As her moans crescendo, he thrusts a final time, YELLING, then collapses atop her.
INT. LADY FARINA'S HOME - BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Lady Farina lies in afterglow, grinning ear to ear.
Mmmm, that was wonderful.
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